Oh, and my weekly bit of escapism, the French class, where I can nestle in the soft fold of friendly acquintences and a chipper Frnech Madam as a teacher, has been spoiled.

A weird new guy was sat in my friend's seat the first class after Christmas. I sat in my seat and greeted him. Much to my surprise, he kept trying to speak French to me, so "j'mappelle X" instead of "my name is X" etc - even when I was clearly addressing him in English. Friend to my right turned to him and asked him outright "do you speak English?". Guess what? He replied "Qui!".

When Madam turned up, she did everything she could to move him onto another class, trying to make out that he knew too much French for out beginners class. But the guy wouldn't budge, insisting he was at the correct level, and just to be really clever about that, insisted in telling her in French.

Reader, I couldn't take to him. I was pissed with having to partner with him, instead of my friend who I hadn't seen since before Christmas, but that wasn't his fault really. It was however his fault that he kept asking me personal questions and using swear words. I didn't like it. And he kept trying to talk crap French to me, despite being English. Now reader, I'm a beginner, and I know I'm a beginner, but I don't go around making words up to cover my lack of knowledge.

Last class, I tried to make an effort with him, only for him to ask me if I'm pregnant. Reader, I am not. If you have to ask, idiot, don't ask, otherwise you've just called someone fat. And no one, including me, likes being called fat. Particularly in front of a whole roomful of people. And he was so embarrased by that that he later asked the tutor how do you ask someone in French whether they are pregnant. Seriously. What a jerk.